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BOOK 2 de Folco Gamgee COMPLETO!!!

Tópico em 'Atualidades e Generalidades' iniciado por Sister Jack, 23 Fev 2002.

  1. Sister Jack

    Sister Jack Usuário

    A continuação está aqui. Não está tão boa ou engraçada quanto o BOOK 1, mas da pro gasto.
    Está bem longa também. Quase o dobro do BOOK 1. O final é uma surpresa! hahahahaha! Vcs vão ver!



    The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
    Written by Folco Gamgee

    BOOK 2




    Frodo wakes up in a confortable bed, on a beautiful room. It s a sunny morning on Rivendell.
    He sees that his shoulder is cured and the bullet was removed.
    There s someone sitting on a chair on the side of the bed. It s Gandalf.

    FRODO: Gandalf!

    GANDALF: Oh, you woke up! How are you feeling?

    FRODO: My shoulder, it s much better.

    GANDALF: I know.

    FRODO: Where the fuck is this place?

    GANDALF: Rivendell.

    FRODO: Fuck no!

    GANDALF: Fuck yeah! Elrond s whore house.

    Elrond enters the room with a smile on his face, looking at the hobbit.

    ELROND: Hello, Mr. Anderson.

    FRODO: Ahn?

    ELROND: I mean, Mr. Frodo.

    Sam blasts into the room, screaming for Frodo.

    SAM: Mr. Frodo! Mr. Frodo! They got elves here! Elven whores! Woo Hoo!

    Pippin and Merry enter the room holding machine guns and rocket launchers.

    PIPPIN: Hey, Frodo! You have to check this out! These puppies can blast a fucking cow in half!

    FRODO: You got guns here, Mr. Elrond?

    ELROND: A shit load of them. C mon, I ll show you the place.

    Frodo and Elrond are walking down a big hallway, Frodo looks at the huge hacks full of guns.

    ELROND: We make them here. It s the biggest gun factory in Middle Earth.

    FRODO: Who made the first gun?

    ELROND: Oh, it was Glormir. A mysterious man who, 3000 years ago, brought the first gun to Middle Earth. We don t know how he got here or who made his gun.

    FRODO: He died?

    ELROND: Yes. During the Battle of The Last Alliance. I remember it like it was yesterday...

    FLASHBACK

    We are now in Dagorlad as an army on elves and men fight Sauron s forces in a battle field. The two armies run into each other with their swords, bows, axes.
    Elrond is killing like a fucking mad man. He s chopping heads, arms, opening their stomachs with his sword.
    Elendil is fighting two trolls by himself. He dodges the trolls hammer and cut their legs.
    Glormir, using his machine gun, takes out 30 orcs with the ray of bullets.
    The Alliance is winning when Sauron arrives at the battle field. He s twice the size of the men. He has a broadsword on his hand. He s ready to kick some ass. A platton of elves attack Sauron. He hits them with he s incredibly big sword and they fly away.
    Elendil sees the ring on his finger. The One Ring. Glormir takes out his shotgun and faces Sauron. Elendil joins him with Anduril on his hand. This is going to be the greatest battle ever fought.
    Sauron strikes Elendil, who dodges, the sword hits the ground opening a large hole. The earth shakes. Glormir fires his shot gun.
    SHICK, SHICK! POW!
    SHICK, SHICK! POW!
    SHICK, SHICK! POW!
    The bullets hit Sauron s armor, but they are not strong enough to break through. Sauron sweeps his sword across the battle field. Both Glormir and Elendil jump on the ground. Elendil gets up and starts to fight Sauron one-on-one. The swords hit each other with great energy. The hole army can feel it.
    CLING!
    CLING!
    CLING!
    CLING!
    They are hitting and strinking, faster and faster.
    Sauron cuts Anduril in half. Then, cuts Elendil chest. Blood is all over the place. Elendil falls dead on the ground.
    Sauron feels a sword entering his back and cutting through his body. It s Isildur.]
    Glormir loads his shotgun, SHICK, SHICK!

    SAURON: I m am Sauron, The Motherfucker. I am invincible!

    GLORMIR: No, you re not, Motherfucker!

    Glormir puts the shotgun inside Sauron s mouth. He shoots it.
    POW!!!

    Sauron s head explode, followed by his body.
    KABOOOOM!

    The entire army falls on the ground. Glormir dies with the force of the explosion. Isildur falls on the ground, the Ring falls near him.

    END FLASHBACK:

    FRODO: WOW!

    ELROND: Yep.

    It s night in Rivendell. Inside the whore house, they are having dinner. The table is full, Frodo and his hobbit friends, Gandalf, Radagast, Aragorn, Glorfindel, Elrond, Bilbo and Elrond s daughter, Arwen.
    Everybody is singing, talking, eating, laughing.

    BILBO: Orwel, can you pass me that banana.

    Gandalf looks at Bilbo and smiles.
    Sam keeps staring at Arwen. He s stunned by her beauty.
    Suddenly, the whole table looks at the person who s entering the house at the moment. The door opens and a small figure walks in. It s wearing a dark coat that cover his face. He passes by the table, and walks into a big hallway, walking out of the table s sight. He enters a room and closes the door.

    Frodo turns to Gandalf.

    FRODO: Who is he?

    GANDALF: I m sorry, Frodo. Even I can t answer that question, only Elrond knows the answer. But trust me, he s important to this whole situation. Elrond is keeping him secret, I don t know why. It will be revealed tomorrow, on the Council.

    Sam is walking through Rivendell s gardens looking at the clear night. He sees a beautiful figure standing on a bridge near a waterfall. It is Arwen.
    Sam walks up to her on the bridge. She looks at him and smiles.

    ARWEN: You are Sam, right?

    SAM: How do you know my name?

    ARWEN: Oh, you are brave young hobbits. Every elf in this land should know your names. I never seen such courage.

    SAM: Aragorn helped us.

    ARWEN: Are you liking Rivendell?

    SAM: Yes, I certainly do.

    ARWEN: It is really a beautiful place, specially on a night like this. Look at the stars.

    Arwen squats near him and sits on the floor. He also does that.

    ARWEN: I was named before a star, you know. That one(she points to the star).

    Sam doesn t look at the star, he can t take his eyes of her face.

    ARWEN: What?

    SAM: I don t need to look at the sky to see the stars. There are two in your eyes.

    Arwen smiles.

    They sit there looking at each other as a beautiful music is played by the elves.

    Sam and Arwen sit closer to each other and they kiss. There is someone watching their kiss. It s Aragorn, hidden behind a tree.

    It s morning. The Council of Elrond has just started. Everybody is sitting on a huge table. Legolas, Gimli and Boromir.

    Elrond turns to the guests and introduces the three.

    ELROND: These are three great fellows that I asked to come.

    LEGOLAS: I am Legolas. The fastest archer on Middle Earth.

    BOROMIR: I am Boromir, son of Denethor and of Gondor.

    GIMLI: I am Gimli. I m the toughest freaking dwarf you ll ever see. If you see a tiny fucking dwarf crawling up your fucking ass and sticking an axe up your crap hole while getting his dick sucked by elven whores, THAT S ME! AAAAAAAAAARGH!

    The three sit at the table.

    ELROND: We do still have a special guest. Come in!

    The small figure walks in the room. He jumps up on the table, takes his coat of and reveals himself. The whole room is surprised by the figure.

    ARAGORN: Oh my Eru!

    SAM: Oh Lord!

    RADAGAST: Hell no!

    BOROMIR: Shit!

    MERRY: Lick me!

    THE SMALL FIGURE: My name is Willow.

    EVERYBODY: Aaaaaaawwwww!!!

    WILLOW: I am the son of George Lucas and ILM. I m here on a special mission, invited by Elrond, to destroy Saruman.

    ELROND: I think he can do it.

    GANDALF: Oh, but I completely disagree. Are you, Master Elrond, telling me that this project of a dwarf is going to kill Saruman, The One of Many Faces?

    WILLOW: Hello, Gandalf. Nice to see you again. You still have doubts about my power, don t you?

    GANDALF: Power? Just because you have a magic wand, you think you can take anyone in Middle Earth? You worm crap!

    Gandalf was full of rage.

    GANDALF: TRY ME, GREAT WIZARD WILLOW! TRY MY MOTHER FUCKING POWER!

    ELROND: Enough!

    The whole council sits quiet.

    ELROND: You will take separate paths. Willow, you will walk to Isengard. And you Gandalf, you will take care of the ring.

    BOROMIR: The what?

    ELROND: Frodo.

    Frodo gets up and puts the ring on the table.

    ELROND: It s the One Ring.

    BOROMIR: Woooooooooooow!

    ARAGORN: The whole fucking world is in our hands. This is a job that will take great responsibility from all of us. It s the ultimate power machine, a power so great that could wipe any fucking sign of life from this land. If we do care for Middle Earth, so the ring has got to be destroyed in Mordor, in the fires of Mouth Doom. We cannot give up by any means. This is the last stand against the powers of Sauron, The Motherfucker. And I will take it there. I don t know who s coming with, but if I have to go there alone, I will do it. In case you all forgot, I am a bad motherfucker!

    BOROMIR(to Aragorn): And who the fuck are you?

    LEGOLAS: He is Aragorn. Isildur s heir.

    BOROMIR: This motherfucker right here?

    LEGOLAS: Yep.

    ELROND: We need someone to take it there. To take it Mordor.

    GIMLI: There s no way in hell an elf is touching this ring!

    LEGOLAS: I can take it there, with your permision Elrond. I m capable of doing it.

    GIMLI(to Legolas): Hell, I like you! You can come over to my house an fuck my sister!

    BOROMIR(to Gimli): Oh, you little fagot, you make me wanna vomit.

    GIMLI(to Boromir): Maybe because my dick is so far up your butthole that is poking your stomach!

    BOROMIR(to Gimli): Bullshit, it looks to me on your best party, you end out of the crack on your mama s ass and ended up as brown stain under my foot!

    LEGOLAS(to Gimli): Were you born a fat, slimy, scumbag you piece of shit or did you have to work on it?

    Willow farts.

    WILLOW: Yo quiero Taco Bell.

    GANDALF(to Willow): What an ignorant little motherfucker!

    Elrond stands up.

    ELROND(to everybody): You unorganized pragnastic gob of teleplastic shit!

    RADAGAST: Hell, I m just standing still here wondering how white bitches like you can t curse.

    BOROMIR: Usually I m a good curser, but my throat hurts.

    RADAGAST(to Boromir): Bullshit! I bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

    ELROND(to Radagast): Shut up, Radagast.

    RADAGAST(to Elrond): Well, considering your status I would say: Lick my balls!

    FRODO: I will take the Ring.

    Everybody looks at Frodo. The room is now silent.

    ELROND: Are you sure about this?

    FRODO: Yep.

    ARAGORN: I will go with you, Frodo. You have my sword.

    LEGOLAS: And my bow.

    GIMLI: And my axe.

    BILBO: And my dildo, if you need one.

    BOROMIR: Well, since you are all going. You can count on me, Frodo.

    Sam, who was hidden behind a chair, jumps out and comes up to Frodo.

    SAM: Hell, this son of a bitch aint going nowhere without me.

    Merry and Pippin also jump out of their hidding place and come up to Frodo.

    MERRY: Hell, we are going to.

    PIPPIN: I don t think you need anything more than a lot of strenght in Mordor. Look at my muscles. I m tough! Woo hoo!

    ELROND: Eight companions. You will be guided by Gandalf and Radagast. The ten of you will destroy the ring. You are the Fellowship of the ring.

    RADAGAST: More like the Brotherhood of the Ring.

    BOROMIR: I m not your brother.

    RADAGAST: Well, you certainly doesn t look like a brother.

    A little later, on one of the gardens of Rivendell, Sam and Arwen kiss. They are totally in love with each other. Someone appears from behind a tree. It s Aragorn.
    Sam and Arwen stop kissing and look at him.

    ARAGORN: Well, well well... Look who it is... Hi, bitch.

    ARWEN: I m sorry, Aragorn. I ve been meaning to tell you.

    ARAGORN: What? That you re banging him? I knew that.

    ARWEN: I m sorry, but my love for you exists no longer. Sam is my love.

    SAM: It s her choice.

    Aragorn turns and walks away.

    Frodo is on his room on Elrond s house. He and his uncle Bilbo. Bilbo pulls out a sword and hands it to Frodo.

    BILBO: It s Sting. A very powerfull blade, made by the elves. Many heads were chopped by this sword, believe me.

    FRODO: It s very light.

    BILBO: Yep.

    Bilbo notices the Ring in Frodo s neck, hanging on a chain.

    BILBO: Is that my Ring?

    FRODO: Uh.. uh.. yes...

    BILBO: Can I hold it?

    FRODO: No.

    Frodo steps away from Bilbo. He can see that his uncle can t take his eyes of the ring. Bilbo s eyes change, they look evil.

    BILBO: Just once. Please. I just want to hold it.

    FRODO: No, it s safe here.

    Bilbo is desperate.

    BILBO: It s my ring. My ring. My precious.

    FRODO: Step away, Bilbo.

    BILBO: Step away?

    Bilbo pulls out a 45 pistol and points it to Frodo s head.

    BILBO: Give me the ring. Now.

    FRODO: Put the gun down, Bilbo. Please, don t do this.

    BILBO: I am the true ring bearer. Give it to me.

    FRODO: Bilbo the ring has to be destroyed. For god s sake, put that fucking gun down!

    BILBO: NOBODY IS GOING TO DESTROY ANYTHING!

    FRODO: Bilbo, look at yourself. What the fuck is going on?

    BILBO: I found it. Since the begining. I took away from that damned creature Gollum. I took care of it all these years. It came to me! IT CAME TO ME, FRODO! IT S MINE! MY RING! GIVE ME THE FUCKING RING!

    FRODO: No, I won t give you anything, you son of a bitch!

    BILBO: AAAAAAAAAAAH!

    Bilbo shoots Frodo 9 times in the chest.

    BILBO: Die! Die! Die!

    Frodo s chest is full of holes and his clothes are wet, stained in blood.
    Frodo closes his eyes and dies.

    Bilbo realizes what he had just done.

    BILBO: No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

    Gandalf arrives at the room and sees Frodo s body.

    GANDALF: What the hell is going on!?

    BILBO: What is going on, Gandalf? The ring is going on. The ring. The ring. I killed him for the Ring.

    Bilbo puts the gun on his mouth shoots himself. He falls dead on the ground, with a large hole on his head.

    Elrond and Gandalf are in a big, dark room, alone. They are discussing the Fellowship s destiny.

    ELROND: We cannot let them die.

    GANDALF: They are already freaking dead!

    ELROND: Not Frodo. Not yet. His courage was the thing that helped him bring the ring here to Rivendell. We owe this to the little fucker. Bilbo shot himself in the head, we have no chance in saving him. But Frodo has a chance.

    GANDALF: What?

    ELROND: Bombadil. You know who he is. He can ressurect Frodo.

    GANDALF: I shall guide him to the Old Forest.

    ELROND: Alright. The Fellowship stills exist. But it s eight companions now. Pippin will take the ring.

    SAM: SEVEN! If it s to save Frodo, I ll go with him.

    ELROND: This is the second time this happens! What the hell is going on? Can t you hobbits read? This is a top secret meeting.

    SAM: Oh, I think your mistaking me for somebody who GIVES A DAMN!

    So it happens. 12 guests leave Rivendell. Gandalf and Sam take Frodo s body to Tom Bombadil in the Old Forest. Aragorn, Legolas, Gimli, Boromir, Merry, Pippin, guided by Radagast go to Mordor. Pippin now is the ring bearer chosen by Elrond. Willow walks to Isengard alone to destroy Saruman. And one hobbit watches them leaving Rivendell. He s covered by a cape, watching everything from a hill near the place.

    THE NEXT DAY

    Gandalf rides his horse, holding Frodo s body covered by a cape. Sam rides a poney. They are going down the road really fast.

    GANDALF: Are you holding on, Sam?

    Sam, almost falling from his poney, answers.

    SAM: Ye... Ye... Ye... Es... Es...!

    GANDALF: Good, cause we ll go even faster now.

    SAM: Fu... Fu... Fu... Ck... Ck...!

    FAR AWAY

    The Fellowship walks slowly towards the gate of Moria.

    RADAGAST: Are you white boys tired?

    ARAGORN: We should rest now.

    RADAGAST: It has been only a day since we left Rivendell, you bunch of lazzy ass whiteys!

    LEGOLAS: I am an elf and I can walk any distance without needing a rest.

    RADAGAST: Who the fuck asked you that?

    GIMLI: Yeah! Who asked you that, Legolas?

    LEGOLAS: I ll be silent now, because Radagast asked.

    RADAGAST: You don t have to be silent, just talk about something interesting. The only body part I want you to keep silent is your ass.

    LEGOLAS: I can tell a joke.

    RADAGAST: Yes, tell us a joke.

    LEGOLAS: Why did a dwarf cross the street?

    GIMLI: Grrrr!

    LEGOLAS: Because there was gold on the other side! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!

    The whole Fellowship looks at Legolas. No one laughs.

    BOROMIR: That wasn t funny.

    MERRY: Well, I can sing a song.

    BOROMIR: You sing songs, little one?

    MERRY: Yes, me and Pippin are great singers.

    PIPPIN: I m not going to sing now. I m too sad. This ring, it s so heavy.

    BOROMIR: I bet it is. But sing a song, Merry.

    MERRY: It s called "Gay hobbits"

    In the mighty Shire,
    There lived a hobbit who cutted grass.
    He was a little wierd,
    He liked a dick up his...

    ARAGORN: Shut up! No cursing, please.

    The Fellowship continued walking through valleys and hills, crossing rivers, climbing rocks and mountains.

    THREE DAYS LATER

    Gandalf and Sam arrive at Tom Bombadil s house. It was built on the foot of a hill, beautiful and simple. But nor Gandalf or Sam could enjoy that place, while Frodo was dead.
    Gandalf and Sam jump out of their rides.

    SAM: Are you sure he can do it?

    GANDALF: Oh, I hope so.

    They knock on the door.

    GANDALF: Tom!

    Tom blasts out of the door and starts dancing and singing in his garden.

    TOM:

    A doll, schmoll!
    I like the sun and I like the wall!

    Woopsie - daysies!
    Woopsie - daysies!

    A car, schmar!
    Peter Jackson needs new glasses!

    Yeepie - Kay - Yay!
    Yeepie - Kay - Yay!

    Oh, my lord! Frodo is dead.
    I think I ll ressurect him and eat some bread!

    Old MacDonald had a farm!
    Yee - I - Yay - I - Ow!

    Tom enters the house and so does Gandalf and Sam. Inside, they put Frodo s body on a table and wait for Tom to do something.

    TOM:

    Hey, Frodo, what are you doing?
    Where s the tomato I ordered for a nooner?

    When I slip my finger and scream: Meeeeow!
    You will wake up and eat some cow.

    Gandalf and Sam were sitting on Tom s chair in awe. They couldn t take their eyes of Tom, what a magical being!

    TOM:

    HEY FRODO, MEEEEEOW!
    WAKE UP NOW AND LICK
    MY SALT!

    Frodo opens his eyes.
    Gandalf and Sam search for the bullet holes on Frodo s chest and there are none.
    Sam hugs Frodo.

    SAM: Thank God you are ok, Frodo!

    TOM: Well, thank me! Hey, Hey, Hey!

    FRODO: What s going on?

    GANDALF: Rest for a while and I will tell you what happened, Frodo.

    5 DAYS LATER

    The Fellowship arrives at the gates of Moria.
    It s night and the river near them is calm and silent, as is the Fellowship.
    The huge gate appears to have been drawed on the rocks of the huge mountains. The Fellowship is tired and hungry, they have hardly stopped for eating or sleeping.

    RADAGAST: There s something written there.

    GIMLI: It s the 3 riddles of the green parot.

    BOROMIR: The what?

    GIMLI: It s the three riddles that need to be solved so we can get inside.

    LEGOLAS: Dwarves...

    RADAGAST: Do you know how to solve it?

    GIMLI: No. But the first riddle says: "Who am I if the hall is full of birds?".

    ARAGORN: What does that mean?

    GIMLI: I don t know. Aren t you Isildur s heir?

    ARAGORN: Yes, what the fuck does that mean?

    GIMLI: Aren t you suppose to be the smart ass?

    BOROMIR: Wait, let s try to solve this thing. Who am I if the hall is full of birds?

    RADAGAST: A bitch.

    The gate unlocks. The doors open to reveal another gate.

    GIMLI: You solved the first puzzle!

    RADAGAST: How the fuck did I do that?

    ARAGORN: I don t know, but keep it up.

    GIMLI: This one says: "Two fathers and two sons went fishing. Each one got a fish. How many fish did they bring home?".

    MERRY: I think I know the answer. Well, if there are two fathers, it s the grandfather and the father. The two sons are the father who s son of the grandfather and the father s son. So, the answer is...

    RADAGAST: Slurp my butt.

    The second gate unlocks. There s still one more gate...

    GIMLI: Just one more.

    PIPPIN: What does it read?

    GIMLI: "Where am I if I m not here and the tomatoes are fresh?"

    RADAGAST: I have no idea.

    Frodo and Sam are on the road to hobbition, with Gandalf guiding them.

    GANDALF: ...so, that s what happened.

    FRODO: Pippin is taking the ring?

    GANDALF: Yes.

    Gandalf stops his horse.

    SAM: What?

    GANDALF: I have to go there and help them. You two will have to go back to Bag End by yourselves. Goodbye!

    Gandalf turns his horse around and rides back to Rivendell.

    FRODO: Are we really going to go back to Bag End?

    SAM: And miss all the fun? No fucking way!

    FRODO: That s what I was thinking. Let s go.

    SAM: Yes, we ll pass by The Green Way, then we cross Noisywater river and go through the Valley of the dark river.

    The two hobbits, walked and walked, and walked. They stopped at night, slept for a few hours and went on through hills, valleys, plains.
    But somebody is watching them. The same hobbit that was watching the Fellowship leave Rivendell. Who is he?

    The Fellowship is still at the gates of Moria. They still can t solve the last puzzle.

    ARAGORN: Where am I if I m not here and the tomatoes are fresh?

    MERRY: It s pretty tough.

    GIMLI: Aaaaah! Who cares!

    Gimli pulls out a rocket launcher and shoots the door. An explosion opens a large hole on the gate.

    LEGOLAS: That was certainly easier.

    The Fellowship walks into the gates and into The Mines of Moria.
    It s dark, wet, tall and rough. They walk through the mountain for a long time, stopping for eating and sleeping. They stop at the begining of a long hallway for resting.
    The whole Fellowship is sitting and eating their food.

    Radagast aproaches Pippin, who s sitting alone, far from the rest of the Fellowship. Radagast sits with him.

    RADAGAST: So, how are you feeling?

    PIPPIN: Fine.

    RADAGAST: Really?

    PIPPIN: Yes. Radagast, I saw something.

    RADAGAST: What?

    PIPPIN: A monster-like creature.

    RADAGAST: Gollum. The motherfucker has been following us for 3 days.

    PIPPIN: Gollum?

    RADAGAST: Yes. Don t worry. He s harmless.

    PIPPIN: I don t know.

    RADAGAST: Pippin let me tell you a story. Just a little moral lesson. When I was living in the north, in Brooklynion, I had a friend that was a dealer. Nigger was dealing coke all over the fucking place. Some good shit. But I always told him: "Never deal coke with strangers". But the nigger didn t listen to me. Some people from the south came up to him and asked him to make a huge sale. Some big fucking deal. Son of a bitch was all happy about it, told me he was going to stop dealing after this last order. Guess what happened? The south people put a bullet up the nigger s ass and stole the merchandise. Get it?

    PIPPIN: What s the moral lesson?

    RADAGAST: Never deal coke with strangers.

    PIPPIN: I don t deal coke.

    RADAGAST: Who cares, nigger! I was just trying to tell you a goddamn story.

    FAR AWAY

    Willow walks to Isengard.
    Willow burps.

    WILLOW(to himself): Yo quiero Taco Bell.

    FAR AWAY

    Frodo and Sam are near Lothlorien.
    They suddenly hear footsteps behind them. They look and see the hobbit. He takes out his coat and reveals himself.

    FRODO: Who are you?

    THE HOBBIT: I am......................................Folco Gamgee.

    Frodo and Sam look at him, silent.

    SAM: Your from the Shire, your one of my cousins.

    FOLCO: Yes.

    FRODO: What are you doing here, following us?

    FOLCO: Yes, you got a problem with that?

    SAM: Yes, we do! What do you want here?

    FOLCO: I am here to help. Trust me. But my pacience is running tin and I don t think you can make it to Mordor by yourselves.

    FRODO: Yes, we can!

    FOLCO: I will help you take the ring.

    SAM: We don t need any help. Go back to the Shire.

    FOLCO: What? Did you just told me to go back to the Shire? SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU LITTLE SON OF A BITCH! IF ANYONE OF YOU SPEAK A FREAKING WORD ABOUT ME HELPING YOU, I M GONNA BLOW YOUR FREAKING HEADS OFF!

    Frodo and Sam just look at Folco.

    FOLCO: Now, come! I will take you to a place where you can rest.

    Frodo and Sam follow Folco as he walks to Lothlorien.

    IN MORIA...

    The Fellowship enters the room with Balin s tomb. Gimli cries as he looks at the body of the Lord of Moria.

    BOROMIR: We can t stay here much longer.

    GIMLI(crying): I can t believe he s dead.

    Merry looks at a large crack on the ground.

    MERRY: I wonder how deep that crack is...

    Merry takes a Dwarf skull and throws it down there. It makes a huge noise.

    RADAGAST: What the FUCK ARE YOU DOING?

    Radagast takes out a 45 pistol and shoots Merry in the head. Merry s body falls on the crack.

    PIPPIN: Oh my God! Are you out of your damn mind?

    RADAGAST: He was asking for it!

    An army of orcs blast through the door.

    The Fellowship take out their swords.

    LEGOLAS: Let s kick some ass!

    THE FELLOWSHIP: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

    Aragorn and Boromir take out their shotguns and blast the 5 first orcs.
    Legolas takes out his bow and shoot 9 arrows in less than 2 seconds. He hits a bunch of orcs.

    The orcs, armed with Machine guns start shooting at the Fellowship.

    They hide behind rocks and pillars.
    Gimli pulls out his rocket launcher and shoots at the entrance. The explosion blast lots of orcs in half.
    Pippin hides behind Radagast.
    A troll enters the room.

    TROLL: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!

    The troll hits Aragorn with his hammer, then, he hits Boromir in the head, who flies against the wall.
    Radagast gets his staff and sticks it up the troll s ass!

    TROLL: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

    The troll tries to hit Radagast a few times, who dodges the strikes.

    LEGOLAS: Your mine, you big, fat, freakfest.

    Legolas shoots 34 arrows into the troll s chest in less than 3 seconds.

    TROLL: AAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!

    Boromir tries to atack it from the back.
    The troll farts and the Radagast s staff comes flying out of the troll s but and hits Boromir in the stomach.
    Boromir and the troll both fall dead.

    RADAGAST: Run! Everybody run!

    Radagast, Aragorn, Pippin, Legolas and Gimli run through the long hallways of Moria, followed by armies of orcs.

    They arrive at The Bridge of Khazad-dum.
    Radagast looks behind him and sees it! The rest of the Fellowship also look at it. They all open their mouths in awe!

    RADAGAST: THIS IS IT!!!!!!

    GIMLI: OH MY LORD!!!! WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!!!!

    LEGOLAS: AI AI, IT S A BALROG!!!

    The huge demon of fire and shadow stands up ans opens his mouth. Fire comes out of it.
    Legolas, Gimli, Aragorn and Pippin walk through the bridge and get to the other side.

    ARAGORN: Come, Radagast!

    RADAGAST: I am the LORD OF THE BLACK FLAMES!!! GO BACK TO THE SHADOWS!!!

    The Balrog takes out his huge, flame sword!

    RADAGAST: GO BACK TO THE SHADOWS!!!!

    The balrog strikes Radagast with his sword. Radagast dodges it. It hits the bridge!

    Fear and excitment are on the Fellowship s mind!

    The balrog takes his whip.

    RADAGAST: I WILL DIE! BUT I WILL TAKE YOU OUT FIRST!!!!

    The balrog steps closer to the Bridge.

    RADAGAST: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOU AINT GONNA PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASS!!!!!

    The Balrog prepares to strike Radagast for the last time with it s sword.
    But something stops it! IT S MERRY!!!
    Merry is on top of the balrog s head. He s stabbing the balrog with his sword repeatedly.
    Radagast hits his staff on the ground and an explosion happens. The bridge cracks.
    The Balrog falls into darkness with Merry.

    MERRY: Goodbye, my friend Pippin!

    We never hear Merry s voice again...

    Pippin starts crying. Radagast, Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas and the ring bearer Pippin run out of Moria.

    As they get out of Moria, they stop and sit down. Everyone cries.
    Aragorn holds Pippin. Pippin screams for his friend Merry.

    PIPPIN: No. He s not dead!!!! Please no!!!

    Gimli is also crying and Legolas comes and hugs him.

    ARAGORN: We lost two great friends today. We ll never forget them. Boromir, the brave warrior from Minas Tirith. Merry, the brave hobbit from the Shire. They ll stay in our memories and in our hearts.

    FAR AWAY

    Folco, Frodo and Sam are walking on a long, dark road. They have passed by Lothlorien and now are walking besides the Anduin.

    SAM: How did you find out about the ring?

    FOLCO: I spyed on Frodo and Gandalf.

    SAM: Why did you came?

    FOLCO: It s none of your fucking business.

    FRODO: Yes, it is.

    FOLCO: Ok. You want to know the truth?

    FRODO: Yes.

    Folco transforms into SAURON!

    FRODO: Oh my Lord!

    SAURON, is back with his black armor, as tall as a troll. Suddenly, the sky is grey and cloudy. It s getting dark. The power of Sauron is too great.

    SAURON: Give me the ring! I know you gave a fake ring to Pippin! The real ring is in your pocket.

    FRODO: NOOOOOOOO! HOW DID YOU FIND OUT?????

    SAURON: I am Sauron, The Motherfucker! GIVE ME THE RING!!!!!

    SAM: Don t give it to him!!!! NOOOOOO!!!!

    Sauron takes out his sword and kills Sam, choping his head off!

    FRODO: NOOOOOOOOOO!

    SAURON: Give me the ring!!!

    FRODO: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

    Frodo opens his mouth and eats the ring.

    The ring explodes inside Frodo s chest.

    THE EXPLOSION IS SO STRONG WIPES OUT THE ENTIRE MIDDLE-EARTH

    FAR AWAY

    Willow sees the fire of the explosion coming in his direction.

    WILLOW: Yo quiero Taco Bell.

    FAR AWAY

    Gandalf sees the fire of the explosion coming in his direction.

    GANDALF: I knew this was going to happen. Shit.

    FAR AWAY

    The Fellowship sees the fire of the explosion coming on their direction.

    ARAGORN: Fuck, I can t die now, I still haven t had sex with Arwen!

    GIMLI: I was born with only one ball.

    LEGOLAS: I was born with no balls.

    RADAGAST: I m not black, I just paint my face to look like Samuel L. Jackson.

    PIPPIN: I m addicted to cocaine.

    FAR AWAY

    Elrond sees the fire of the explosion coming on his direction.

    ELROND: I wish I wasn t chosen for the Matrix sequel. I hate martial arts.

    ARWEN: I m a man. I had a sex change operation.

    FAR AWAY

    Fimbrethil sees the explosion coming on her direction.

    FIMBRETHIL: I wish I hadn t died so early on the story.

    FAR AWAY

    Ristow sees the fire of the explosion coming on his direction.

    RISTOW: Who cares, I was going to die of dengue anyway.

    FAR AWAY

    Largo sees the fire of the explosion coming on his direction.

    LARGO: HAHAHAHA! I m not going to die! I live in Canada!

    FAR AWAY

    Dirhil sees the fire of the explosion coming on his direction.

    DIRHIL: What the hell am I doing in this story?

    FAR AWAY

    Snake sees the fire of the explosion coming on his direction.

    SNAKE: Sooooohhhh.

    FAR AWAY

    Quentin Tarantino sees the fire of the explosion coming on his direction.

    QUENTIN: That jackass Folco thinks he can write like me!

    FAR AWAY

    Harry Potter sees the fire of the explosion coming on his direction.

    HARRY POTTER: I m the gayest wizard that ever lived!

    FAR AWAY

    Deriel sees the fire of the explosion coming on his direction.

    DERIEL: I wish I was born a baby elephant.

    FAR AWAY

    Tolkien sees the fire of the explosion coming on his direction.

    TOLKIEN: I wish Folco stops doing this stupid adaptation.

    The explosion hits the entire Middle-Earth. No one survives. Only Bombadil.

    THE END





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    (Clube da Insônia)

    Edited by - Folco Gamgee on 23 February 2002 16:33:58
     
  2. Omykron

    Omykron far above

    KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
    parabens folco, vc deixou a minha barriga doendo de tanto rir
    =) ahuahuahuahuahuhu ahuahuhuahuahuahuhua ahuahuahuhuahauhuahu auahuahua ahuahuahuahuhua ahuahuhuahuahua ahuahuhuahuahuahuhua ahuahuahu ahuhuahuahuahua ahuuahhuahuahua ahuhuahuahuahuhuahua


    [Clube da Amizade]
    Namarië!
     
  3. Sister Jack

    Sister Jack Usuário

    quote:
    KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
    parabens folco, vc deixou a minha barriga doendo de tanto rir
    =) ahuahuahuahuahuhu ahuahuhuahuahuahuhua ahuahuahuhuahauhuahu auahuahua ahuahuahuahuhua ahuahuhuahuahua ahuahuhuahuahuahuhua ahuahuahu ahuhuahuahuahua ahuuahhuahuahua ahuhuahuahuahuhuahua


    [Clube da Amizade]
    Namarië!



    heheheh! Valeu, cara! Que q vc achou do final?

    -------------------------------------------------------------------


    (Clube da Insônia)
     
  4. § Årwen §

    § Årwen § Usuário

    Ficou massa kitu! Eu amei o final! kakakakaka


    :: Amin harmuva onalle e cormamin ::
    ~Clube da Insônia~~Clube da Amizade~
     
  5. Amélie Poulain

    Amélie Poulain Usuário

    Putz... hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah!
    O final ficou muito engraçado!
    Muito legal, Folco!!

    *Spoilers da estória do Folco

    Ou melhor... Dark Lord Folco

    "When I’m right, no one remembers it, when I’m wrong, no one forgets it."

    {Clube da Insônia}

    Edited by - Lady of the Darkness on 23 February 2002 13:44:07
     
  6. Omykron

    Omykron far above

    quote:
    heheheh! Valeu, cara! Que q vc achou do final?

    -------------------------------------------------------------------


    (Clube da Insônia)

    u final, bom, poderia ser menos tosko
    mais feiz meu buxo duer
    kkkkkkkkkkk


    [Clube da Amizade]
    Namarië!
     
  7. AHHH Kitu, ficou D+++++!!!!
    Bem mais light que o 1, mas ta mooitoo engracado!!!!
    O final ficou super diferente, Kitu, THE MOTHERFUCKER!!!!! Huahuahau!!!!!

    " Apaguem o sol, embrulhem a lua, descam as estrelas, limpem as matas, pois nada mais tem sentindo para mim..."

    [ Clube da Insonia ]
     
  8. Turambar_theOld

    Turambar_theOld Usuário

    Eu gostei da parte
    SHICK!!!SHICK!!!POW!!
    SHICK!!!SHICK!!!POW!!!

    ___________
    COM HONRA
    ´´ CLUBE DA INSONIA ``



    ___________
    <<<< Siht Hapens >>>>
     
  9. Omykron

    Omykron far above

    I´m Sauron! THE MOTHAFUCKER(ia ser mais massa se fosse THE PACKAGE!)


    [Clube da Amizade]
    Namarië!
     
  10. Heuhueheuehu, muito bom!! Me colocou até no final, heuheueu!


    Clube da Insônia
    ICQ: 64695604
     
  11. Largo Cavafundo

    Largo Cavafundo Usuário

    COMO ASSIM EU MORRI??? EU MORO NO CANADA!!!

    Mto boa, to chorando d rir...



    "Somos os Valinórelië"
    -papai Smurf, quer dizer, Largo Cavafundo
    SdB
     
  12. Sauron_Body

    Sauron_Body Usuário

    Folco, faz uma versao do final em q todos nois aparecemos...
    Hehehehehehhehe

    MTO ENGRACADO!!!!
    HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAH HAHAHAHHAHAH AHAHHAHAHAHHA!!!!!!


    "Sabedoria é o que você recebe depois de anos escutando quando voce preferiria ter falado"

    [Presidente - Sociedade dos Banners]
     
  13. Largo Cavafundo

    Largo Cavafundo Usuário

    quote:
    Folco, faz uma versao do final em q todos nois aparecemos...


    Nao, so os mais mais podem

    Mas serio, ficaria cansativo, muito repetitivo...



    "Somos os Valinórelië"
    -papai Smurf, quer dizer, Largo Cavafundo
    SdB
     
  14. Dagorlad

    Dagorlad Usuário

    huahuauhauhahuahau
    fico muito comedia
    voce querendo ou nao me acrescentou no seu livro




    qual é a vantagem de ter uma assinatura?
     
  15. Sister Jack

    Sister Jack Usuário

    É, eu percebi, Dagorlad, o campo de batalha.

    -------------------------------------------------------------------


    (Clube da Insônia)
     
  16. FA_Elfinha

    FA_Elfinha Usuário

    Ficou mt bom Kito (sente a intimidade).... Mas falto mi incluir tb neh.....


    *Lisse Wendë Yarë*
    :: Clube da Amizade ::



    Edited by - Elfinha on 23 February 2002 21:16:03
     
  17. Sister Jack

    Sister Jack Usuário

    Existem uns 300 ou 400 membros nesse forum. Uns 50 visitam diariamente. Vcs acham que eu ia colocar 50 membros na minha estória?
    Eu pensei nos mais antigos e que mais postavam, veio Largo e Dirhil, daí eu lembrei que o Ristow tava com dengue e coloquei ele. E é claro, não podia deixar o Deriel de fora! hehehe!

    -------------------------------------------------------------------


    (Clube da Insônia)
     
  18. Kaji

    Kaji Usuário

    Folco, vc se superou nessa. Mto melhor que o Book 1, Bem trágico tb.
    Quase chorei de tanto rir. O Willow tah podre, e esse tal de Folco é um personagem mto estranho
    hehehe



    ____________________________________________________



    [Sociedade dos Banners]
     
  19. FA_Elfinha

    FA_Elfinha Usuário

    Ai Kitu.... Calma...


    *Lisse Wendë Yarë*
    :: Clube da Amizade ::
     
  20. Sineta Fossador

    Sineta Fossador Usuário

    Muito legal Folco! Adorei a confissão da Arwen e do Legolas no final! Muito engraçado! Vc vai continuar a escrever essas histórias? Tenta fazer uns finais diferentes... Mas tá 10! Parabéns!
     

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