Sister Jack
Usuário
Pessoal, eu não tinha nada pra fazer entaum escrevi uma versão comica de SDA. Só escrevi uma parte até agora, depois eu continuo. Ficou meio ruinzinho, mas quem quiser ver, veja. É em inglês. Supostamente escrito por Tarantino.
Não está em formato de roteiro, mas eu estava com preguiça de fazer no formato certo.
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
Written by Folco Gamgee.
Sitting under a tree, reading a book, is Frodo Baggins. He hears a voice singing a song. It s an old man s voice. Frodo puts the book down and looks to the road. He sees Gandalf, The Grey on his chariot. A smile opens on his face.
FRODO: Gandalf, you son of a bitch!
Gandalf looks at Frodo and also opens a smile.
GANDALF: Come here, you little bastard!
Frodo runs to the road and jumps on the chariot, then, hugs Gandalf.
FRODO: What are you doing here, Gandalf?
GANDALF: What the fuck do you think I m doing here? I m visiting Bilbo!
FRODO: Why?
GANDALF: It s not your fucking business!
Frodo looks at Gandalf s face and notices the pipe.
FRODO: What are you smoking?
GANDALF: Weed.
FRODO: Is it the good kind?
GANDALF: What?
FRODO: Is it good?
GANDALF: Boy, this is guaranteed to jack you up!
FRODO: Our weed is good too.
GANDALF: Yeah, right! I d rather smoke a monkey than smoke that piece of shit!
FRODO: Are you selling it?
GANDALF: Are you fucking crazy? I brought this from Mirkwood! It s too strong for you anyway.
Te chariot passes by a group of kids. The kids start running after the chariot on the road.
KIDS: Gandalf, fireworks!!!! Gandalf! Gandalf!! Fireworks!! Fireworks!!!
Gandalf continues to look straight and the kids stop running. They all look sad.
GANDALF: Do you want fire works? I ll give you some freaking fireworks!
Gandalf takes a Machine Gun from his coat, aims to the sky and shoots!
TATATATTATATATATATTA!!!!
They kids all scream and run away crying.
Frodo is laughing.
FRODO: Gandalf, it was good to see ya.
Frodo jumps of the chariot.
Gandalf arrives at Bag End, Bilbo Baggins house.
He jumps of the chariot and knocks on the door.
Bilbo screams from inside the house.
BILBO: What the fuck do you want, you pieces of shit!!! I don t want anybody here.
GANDALF: Not even an old sexual partner?
Bilbo opens the door and sees Gandalf. He jumps and hugs Gandalf.
BILBO: Gandalf, come in!
They both enter Bilbo s house.
When Bilbo closes the door, Gandalf takes a Beretta and points at Bilbo s head.
Bilbo looks at Gandalf, scared.
BILBO: Gandalf, what are you doing?
Gandalf takes of his mask and Bilbo sees that it s not Gandalf, but Saruman!
SARUMAN: Gandalf my ass! Give me the freaking ring!
BILBO: Saruman!!!!
The REAL Gandalf kicks the door open, with a shotgun on his hand.
GANDALF: Get yout hands of him, you bitch!
SARUMAN: Frankly, my dear... I don t give a fuck.
Saruman shoots Gandalf three times in the chest with the Beretta. Gandalf shoots Saruman with the shotgun, Saruman dodges the bullets and escapes from Bilbo s house.
Saruman jumps on his horse and runs away.
Gandalf falls on the floor, hurt. Blood is coming out of the bullet holes.
BILBO: Don t worry, I ll take care of you Gandalf!
Moments later, Bilbo is with Gandalf in his bed, licking the wizard s bullet holes.
GANDALF: I like it when you do that.
BILBO: Do you?
GANDALF: I love it. Lick me!
BILBO: Do you want me to lick your banana?
GANDALF: Lick me! Lick my banana!
It s night and we are at Bilbo s party! Lots of hobbits dancing, drinking, eating! Everyone is happy!
Sam is behind a house, in the middle of the woods, having sex with Rosie!
Frodo is sitting in a table, smoking weed.
Bilbo is telling a story for a group of kids.
BILBO: So, there was I, with a troll trying to kill me! I take my sword and stick it up the troll s ass!
The kids laugh!
Merry and Pippin are lighting up a dynamite inside a house.
MERRY: Where s the lighter?
PIPPIN: Lighter? We are 7000 years before the lighter is even invented!
Merry sees a candle.
MERRY: Get the candle.
Pippin gets the candle and lights up the dynamite.
PIPPIN: Ok, now what?
MERRY: Run!
They get out of the house.
The house explodes!
Everybody in the party claps and smile!
MERRY: Let s do it again!
Gandalf gets comes up and slaps Pippin s face.
GANDALF: You little dirty motherfuckers!
Bilbo stands up on top of a table.
BILBO: Everybody!!! Please, look here! Speach!!
Everybody at the party looks at him, quiet.
BILBO: Well, I wanna thank all of you! Such wonderfull bunch of assholes! The Blowjobers, Assfuckers, Baggins, Tuks, Brandybucks, Pussylovers! All of you! Although I don t like half aswell as you deserve and half of you I like half as much as I would like to deserve aswell as like, but like half of you half aswel as you would like me to deserve all of you!
Everybody look at each other. Nobody understood what Bilbo just said.
BILBO: The truth is... Well, I hate all of you! Goodbye, motherfuckers, you can stick the whole Bag End up your asses!
Bilbo puts on the ring and becomes invisible. Everybody is shocked!
----------------------------------------
"O futuro é tão distante quanto a porta de sua casa, apenas alguns passos para a evolução."(Folco Gamgee)
"A vida é uma doença terminal"
(Clube da Insônia)
Edited by - Folco Gamgee on 24 January 2002 21:11:43
Edited by - Folco Gamgee on 25 January 2002 02:59:56
Não está em formato de roteiro, mas eu estava com preguiça de fazer no formato certo.
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
Written by Folco Gamgee.
Sitting under a tree, reading a book, is Frodo Baggins. He hears a voice singing a song. It s an old man s voice. Frodo puts the book down and looks to the road. He sees Gandalf, The Grey on his chariot. A smile opens on his face.
FRODO: Gandalf, you son of a bitch!
Gandalf looks at Frodo and also opens a smile.
GANDALF: Come here, you little bastard!
Frodo runs to the road and jumps on the chariot, then, hugs Gandalf.
FRODO: What are you doing here, Gandalf?
GANDALF: What the fuck do you think I m doing here? I m visiting Bilbo!
FRODO: Why?
GANDALF: It s not your fucking business!
Frodo looks at Gandalf s face and notices the pipe.
FRODO: What are you smoking?
GANDALF: Weed.
FRODO: Is it the good kind?
GANDALF: What?
FRODO: Is it good?
GANDALF: Boy, this is guaranteed to jack you up!
FRODO: Our weed is good too.
GANDALF: Yeah, right! I d rather smoke a monkey than smoke that piece of shit!
FRODO: Are you selling it?
GANDALF: Are you fucking crazy? I brought this from Mirkwood! It s too strong for you anyway.
Te chariot passes by a group of kids. The kids start running after the chariot on the road.
KIDS: Gandalf, fireworks!!!! Gandalf! Gandalf!! Fireworks!! Fireworks!!!
Gandalf continues to look straight and the kids stop running. They all look sad.
GANDALF: Do you want fire works? I ll give you some freaking fireworks!
Gandalf takes a Machine Gun from his coat, aims to the sky and shoots!
TATATATTATATATATATTA!!!!
They kids all scream and run away crying.
Frodo is laughing.
FRODO: Gandalf, it was good to see ya.
Frodo jumps of the chariot.
Gandalf arrives at Bag End, Bilbo Baggins house.
He jumps of the chariot and knocks on the door.
Bilbo screams from inside the house.
BILBO: What the fuck do you want, you pieces of shit!!! I don t want anybody here.
GANDALF: Not even an old sexual partner?
Bilbo opens the door and sees Gandalf. He jumps and hugs Gandalf.
BILBO: Gandalf, come in!
They both enter Bilbo s house.
When Bilbo closes the door, Gandalf takes a Beretta and points at Bilbo s head.
Bilbo looks at Gandalf, scared.
BILBO: Gandalf, what are you doing?
Gandalf takes of his mask and Bilbo sees that it s not Gandalf, but Saruman!
SARUMAN: Gandalf my ass! Give me the freaking ring!
BILBO: Saruman!!!!
The REAL Gandalf kicks the door open, with a shotgun on his hand.
GANDALF: Get yout hands of him, you bitch!
SARUMAN: Frankly, my dear... I don t give a fuck.
Saruman shoots Gandalf three times in the chest with the Beretta. Gandalf shoots Saruman with the shotgun, Saruman dodges the bullets and escapes from Bilbo s house.
Saruman jumps on his horse and runs away.
Gandalf falls on the floor, hurt. Blood is coming out of the bullet holes.
BILBO: Don t worry, I ll take care of you Gandalf!
Moments later, Bilbo is with Gandalf in his bed, licking the wizard s bullet holes.
GANDALF: I like it when you do that.
BILBO: Do you?
GANDALF: I love it. Lick me!
BILBO: Do you want me to lick your banana?
GANDALF: Lick me! Lick my banana!
It s night and we are at Bilbo s party! Lots of hobbits dancing, drinking, eating! Everyone is happy!
Sam is behind a house, in the middle of the woods, having sex with Rosie!
Frodo is sitting in a table, smoking weed.
Bilbo is telling a story for a group of kids.
BILBO: So, there was I, with a troll trying to kill me! I take my sword and stick it up the troll s ass!
The kids laugh!
Merry and Pippin are lighting up a dynamite inside a house.
MERRY: Where s the lighter?
PIPPIN: Lighter? We are 7000 years before the lighter is even invented!
Merry sees a candle.
MERRY: Get the candle.
Pippin gets the candle and lights up the dynamite.
PIPPIN: Ok, now what?
MERRY: Run!
They get out of the house.
The house explodes!
Everybody in the party claps and smile!
MERRY: Let s do it again!
Gandalf gets comes up and slaps Pippin s face.
GANDALF: You little dirty motherfuckers!
Bilbo stands up on top of a table.
BILBO: Everybody!!! Please, look here! Speach!!
Everybody at the party looks at him, quiet.
BILBO: Well, I wanna thank all of you! Such wonderfull bunch of assholes! The Blowjobers, Assfuckers, Baggins, Tuks, Brandybucks, Pussylovers! All of you! Although I don t like half aswell as you deserve and half of you I like half as much as I would like to deserve aswell as like, but like half of you half aswel as you would like me to deserve all of you!
Everybody look at each other. Nobody understood what Bilbo just said.
BILBO: The truth is... Well, I hate all of you! Goodbye, motherfuckers, you can stick the whole Bag End up your asses!
Bilbo puts on the ring and becomes invisible. Everybody is shocked!
----------------------------------------
"O futuro é tão distante quanto a porta de sua casa, apenas alguns passos para a evolução."(Folco Gamgee)
"A vida é uma doença terminal"
(Clube da Insônia)
Edited by - Folco Gamgee on 24 January 2002 21:11:43
Edited by - Folco Gamgee on 25 January 2002 02:59:56