Aqui vem a parte 4. A melhor até agora, na minha opinião. A parte 2 ta na pag 4, a parte 3 ta na pag 7.
La vai. Me digam o q vcs acharam.
Gandalf travells through many roads with his horse in high speed. He, then, arrives at the Northern Hills, in a small vilage. He stops his horse in front of a dark, dirty bar, full of travellers like himself. As he enters the bar, everybody looks at him.
Gandalf is looking for someone. And he finds the person, Radagast, The Brown. He s a tall, black man with a small afro hair.
Gandalf sits down on Radagast s table.
GANDALF: Radagast!
RADAGAST: Gandalf, my man! Let me buy you a beer, you son of a whore!
GANDALF: There s no time!
RADAGAST: You look worried. What s on your mind? What is it?
GANDALF: What is it? I ll tell you what is it. It s the One fucking ring!
RADAGAST: The One ring?
GANDALF: Yep.
RADAGAST: The word on the street is that the One ring is on a hobbit s hand. A Baggins.
GANDALF: Well, the word on the street is absolutely right. His name is Frodo Baggins.
RADAGAST: Frodo Baggins. He has it?
GANDALF: Yes.
RADAGAST: So, if the ring has been found...
GANDALF: Yes again.
RADAGAST: Sauron, The Motherfucker.
GANDALF: He s searching for it. He s seeking it with all his tought.
RADAGAST: Oh no.
GANDALF: Oh yeah!
Radagast takes a deep breath.
RADAGAST: Where is this Frodo?
The four hobbits are walking at the Old Forest.
PIPPIN: I m hungry.
MERRY: Fuck you.
Back to the bar.
RADAGAST: He is alone?
GANDALF: He s with his friend. Sam.
RADAGAST: Shit. Are you out of your freaking mind?
GANDALF: Don t worry. Those tiny fuckers can take care of themselves. Now, the word on Middle-Earth is that the Nine left Minas Morgul.
RADAGAST: The Nazgul? Oh boy, they re in trouble! Some deep shit. And Saruman, The One of Many Faces, might be looking for it too.
GANDALF: He is. But I m much more worried about Sauron s forces.
RADAGAST: I understand.
GANDALF: Radagast, I need your help.
RADAGAST: Gandalf, you know you can count on me. I aint called Radagast, The Brown because I smell like shit.
GANDALF: So why are you called like that?
RADAGAST: I don t know, but that s not the freaking point! So, what can I do to help you?
THREE DAYS LATER
The four hobbits are on the road to Bree. They are walking in a line, singing.
HOBBITS:
We are hobbits and we are happy,
If you don t like us, you can kiss your own ass.
We are hobbits and we speak the truth.
If you have a problem, you can lick your own ass.
Oooh! I deeeaaiiideeeaaaiiiiieeeyyeee!
Oooh! I deeeaaiiideeeaaaiiiiieeeyyeee!
We are hobbits and we are really small,
If you got some problem, you can fuck your own ass.
We are hobbits and we are smart.
If you re in some trouble, you can torn your own ass.
If you re in some trouble, you can torn your own ass.
You can torn your freaking ass!
Hey!
FRODO:
Crawling in my skin,
This ring, it will not heal.
Fear is how it falls,
Confusing what is real.
ooooooooooooooooooh!
MERRY:
Body movin, body movin,
A One ring and the ring s so soothing
Body movin, body movin,
We be getting down and you know we re crush groovin.
PIPPIN:
Three MC s and one DJ
We be getting rings with no delay
Mix Master Mike what you got to say.
SAM:
Oh, where? Oh, where can my babe be?
The lord took her away from me.
She s to heaven so I got to be good...
FRODO: Wait! Everybody, get of the road! There s something coming!
The four hobbits hide behind a large tree on the side of the road. They hear a horse coming. A big, heavy horse. They are all scared out of their minds.
A Nazgul mounted on his horse aproaches the tree. He smells something.
Pippin farts. The Nazgul hears the sound.
Sam, on a desperate move, takes the One ring of Frodo s pocket and puts it on his finger. The four hobbits see him desapear. Sam is on the Shadow World now, he can perfectly see the Nazgul s real form.
Sam runs to the road, picks up a branch and sticks it up the horse s ass!
The horse goes wild and starts running down the road with the Nazgul trying to stop it.
Sam takes the ring of and becomes visible.
FRODO: Let s go! To Bree! Only one hour away!
The four hobbits run to Bree as the darkness falls on their road.
Gandalf and Radagast are traveling down an empty road in a huge plain, with their horses riding really fast. Suddenly, a tree jumps in the middle of the road.
Gandalf and Radagast stop their horses.
GANDALF: What the fuck is going on?
RADAGAST: What hell? That aint my bitch!
The tree actually is an ent. A female ent. Fimbrethil.
FIMBRETHIL: Hell, I aint your bitch, nigger. And you aint eating my pussy!
RADAGAST: Hell no!
FIMBRETHIL: Mithrandir! What the hell are you doing here, whitey bastard?
GANDALF: Fimbrethil, we have to pass. It s a matter of life or death.
FIMBRETHIL: I would have let you pass, if it wasn t for the Brownie there?
RADAGAST: Did that bitch just call me Brownie? I m gonna brown your ass, bitch. Gonna get medieval on your wooden ass!
FIMBRETHIL: Hell no!
RADAGAST: I aint called Radagast, The Brown because I smell like shit.
FIMBRETHIL: It s because you look like shit!
RADAGAST: Well, you aint Cameron Diaz yourself, you know?
FIMBRETHIL: I might not be Cameron freaking Diaz, but you aint Samuel L Jackson!
RADAGAST: But you would still let me eat your pussy, bitch!
FIMBRETHIL: Your pissing me of, nigger.
RADAGAST: Well, you know what? You aint a piece of cake yourself.
Radagast pulls a machine gun from his coat and shoots Fimbrethil. The ent falls on the ground, dead.
RADAGAST: As I said before, you aint my bitch!
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"A vida é uma doença terminal"
(Clube da Insônia)
