Here is an expert analysis of the military mistakes made at Winterfell, by me, who has no military experience but has seen a lot of movies 1/
Cavalry: The Dothraki were wasted on a futile charge. Everybody knows the dead swarm their opponents, a frontal charge had no chance. This misuse is likely a result of the racism inherent in the system and the need of the writers to get rid of Dany’s main army for Cersei 2/
Cavalry 2: They should have kept the Dothraki in reserve until the enemy had committed their main force and then done a flanking charge. Source: This worked twice in Lord of the Rings and it was awesome. 3/
Artillery: they should have just used their flaming catapults to batter the dead from long range as they approached. Also this might have actually enabled them to see what’s on the field. Instead they barely used them and gave up as soon as they ordered the cavalry charge. 4/
Infantry: The Unsullied actually were in the right spot but the trench should have been lit as soon as the dead were in sight. They should form up behind it and stab any zombie who gets through, then retreat before being overrun. 5/
Fire: in general there was not enough stuff on fire for a situation where 1) you couldn’t see shit, 2) fire kills the enemy, and 3) you have a fire witch on your side 6/
Dragons: flew around blindly half the time. Should have been kept close to the castle and stayed together to use the ground fires as markers. Once the dead are in front of the castle swoop down repeatedly to provide close air support to the Unsullied 7/
Dragons 2: big mistake to separate and then tangle with the enemy dragon close up. Stay in formation and engage as a team, did we learn nothing from Maverick and Iceman 8/
Dragons 3: Dany you do NOT land in the middle of a field surrounded by zombies. This is known by experts as a “hot LZ”, very poor idea 9/
Knights and Randos: having all the best fighters out in front created a chaotic scrum. Get them behind the Unsullied and inside the walls to get any leakers. They fought hard but were always surrounded and overwhelmed 10/
Dire wolf: Man, get Ghost out of there. All that accomplished was keeping us worried about him the whole time 11/
Bran: Jesus fucking Christ. First of all, why is he in the Godswood by himself and requiring a large bodyguard of the best troops. Get his ass to a secure location with everybody else. 12/
Bran 2: why is his ass just flying around aimlessly all episode? He should be warging in and out of crows and reporting back what’s going on to the folks in charge. This is called “recon”, especially helpful when you can’t see shit 13/
Bran 3: Also, did he know all along how this was gonna go down? Why exactly couldn’t he tell anybody? Thanks for the help, less-likeable Dr Strange 14/
Command and control: seriously who actually WAS in charge? As wise people say, if you have more than one quarterback, you have no quarterback, words to live by 15/
The Crypt: I mean do I even have to say how dumb it is to leave the bodies in your refuge of last resort, every dumb meme account on the internet saw this instantly so you’d think geniuses Tyrion and Sansa would be wise to it 16/
Arya: just a shout-out for the only wise decision, letting your best player do whatever they want and win the game at the last minute, known by historians as the LeBron James gambit 17/
Ok that’s it thanks for reading, check out my Soundcloud, etc 18/18
I’m so pleased that people like this thread, I wish I could reply to all of you lol
I recognize that this was supposed to draw the Night King out - but the Night King was coming for the castle anyway and their ambush plan sucked! Thank god for Arya!
Also, if these posts make you mad for whatever reason, please consider that it’s just a goofy joke thread that I only ever expected my friends to see before you tweet something rude at me
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